Monday, June 9, 2008

Hungry, Angry, Lonely & Tired

If you've had any experience with addiction or behavior change, a basic tenet is to not let yourself get hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Today, I was post-call. I slept well (all in all considering I was in the hospital), so I thought I could blast through my day. I had a bunch of things I wanted to get done. It seems like my productive days are fewer and farther between the longer I go into residency. The good thing, I've crossed over from going INTO residency to coming OUT OF residency. I got out of work a little later than I would have liked, grabbed my running clothes and went out to run 3 miles. I made 2. It was ninety something degrees. I felt SO dehydrated. The funny thing, I walked 2 miles - I was 2 miles away from the hospital! I did get to see my dolphin playing right next to the sidewalk though. S/he is about, I don't know, 9 feet long? I'm terrible at that kind of thing. But he hung out with me and played right by the edge of the water for a few minutes. SO worth being in the right place at the right time.

I started feeling quite strange when I was driving home. Not so much tired, but out of it. When I got home, I was very, very hungry. I hadn't eaten since breakfast (bad idea) and it was after 2pm. I then proceeded to collapse on the bed and fall asleep. I really thought I'd pass out if I didn't. The thunder woke me up, so I brought the dog in, was STILL hungry, so made myself dinner. But I was laying in bed, wondering if I'm still just getting over my cold, thinking "why do I feel so horrible?". Greg was extremely supportive, for which I'm eternally grateful. With a bit of introspection I figured out that I was hungry (easy to figure that one out), angry (at myself for not being super productive on my half day off), lonely (more sad, feeling like there's so much I want to do but don't have the time or energy for), and tired (bone-deep exhausted). Being all of these things is unfortunately a great set up for overeating. So, I took a nap, ate some dinner, maybe did eat too much but not out of hand, read a book, called Greg, and stopped berating myself about not being productive. It is what it is. Hope tomorrow's better!

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