Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Rethinking rethinking

Do you ever feel like you need to get your life together? Like it's spiraling out of control and you have neither the time nor the energy to change the direction? I feel like I do a lot of rethinking and then end up back here. Well, not back here exactly. Maybe it's more like two steps forward and one step back. Speaking of steps, my running has been um, well, nonexistent. I have been swimming at least 3 times a week, and started lifting, but the Goofy Challenge won't be run in the water! Hence, the rethinking. No, I'm not rethinking my insane decision to do this "race" (in quotes b/c I'm not really racing anyone or anything except the finish lines). I'm rethinking my motivation. When people train for events, it has to be a part of the schedule. We all know that once you start doing something, you feel a lot better about yourself and that thing. You get better at it, and therefore enjoy it. So why can't I make myself run more than a day a week? Maybe it's because I'm "making" myself run. I'm not having fun with it. for thought. Which brings me to my issues with food. My friends Erin & Lara helped me come up with a name for the seductive "nature" of food (really it was a more colorful, albeit inappropriate for common viewing, term. Janice. That witch (okay, now we're getting closer to the real title), who is named after Janus, the two faced God, is food. She is seductive, relentless, and promises all things. In reality, though, she turns on you. You see the other, ugly side. The side where food controls you. Your life is run by food, not by a higher power. It feels fulfilling but deep down, it's empty. So my life is being run by my job, food, laziness, and procrastination. I wonder if the laziness and procrastination are just rebellion against the job. The food is an entirely different issue. Maybe I'll touch on that more at another time.

So, I rethink. I regroup. I am not where I would like to be, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and financially. I will set clear goals, that way, I can start on the road to them. Enough thinking.

"The Warrior leaves no part of himself to laziness and weakness. All must be disciplined and mastered: Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual. You will never scale the mountain of Power carrying twenty pounds of extra weight."
— James Arthur Ray

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