Well, that wasn't exactly how it went. But, I needed my Dad's advice again today. I seem to be drowning in my "what ifs". These are more of a personal nature lately, to which as my husband can unfortunately attest. I think I'm afraid to let things unfold. I'm afraid to get hurt. I'm afraid I'll be heartbroken. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. So, I talked to my Dad, because he'll give me no-bull answers (the real one ended up being instead of "what if" substitute "WTF", lol). So, his no-bull answer was that "yeah, this is your problem, and no one else's, so you'd better @*$# or get off the pot." Now, oddly enough, my Dad's not a vulgar person, so apparently I'd better pay close attention! As it is, those buggers (the what ifs) are driving me crazy. They hold me back from experiencing my already amazing life.
I just had a great talk with my Dad. Last night, I couldn't sleep. I was up until almost 4. My brain wouldn't stop. All day today, I was off. I didn't get up early to swim. I was tired. I was grumpy, utterly unsettled. So, on the way home, I called my dad. Told him we signed up for the Florida 70.3. He has no doubt I'll finish. I asked him why I can't shut my brain off. We proceed to have a long discussion about the big things, and the little things, and that I do lots of big things, and have trouble with "everyday" issues. The bottom line is that in order for me to truly be happy, and I'm going to use ironman training to hone this skill, I have to live "just for today." Even the Ironman is about the journey. The beauty of accomplishment is not in the finish, but in every step it took to get there.
Then, this is the quote of the moment on igoogle: The greatest mistake you can make is to be continually fearing you will make one. -Elbert Hubbard
1. My legs are less sore with Mizunos, even my worn out ones, than my Nike's. 2. I named my cute green shuffle Green-T, just 'cuz 3. I have slept more the past 2 days, 2 hr nap yesterday, slept 10.5 hours last night, likely because I can, and I think I'm needing more sleep with more exercise. Well, there goes what remained of my social life. Oh well, Florida 70.3, here I come!!! (signed up today)
"Life is a checkerboard, and the player opposite you is time. If you hesitate your moving, or neglect to move promptly, your men will be wiped off the board by time. You are playing against a partner who will not tolerate indecision." — Napoleon Hill
The question seems to be, what do you want? Really, what do you want your life to be about? What do you want to make your life into? When you lay your head on your pillow at night, how do you want to feel?
My dad says "work harder to sleep well". There is wisdom in those words. A good nights sleep comes from a hard day's work. Some days it might be a good workout, others it might be a 14 hour workday. Either way, it is your BIG goals that drive you. If you don't have big goals, and WRITE big goals, you will simply be buffeted along by life, and not end up anywhere in particular. Most of us in the land of the free and the home of the brave, will end up obese, ill and bedridden. Some of us, the truly brave, will leave this life happy, healthy, and satisfied. A dear friend Ramzi, will remember the quote paraphrased here...
" The point of life is not to arrive at your grave safe and sound, but to skid in sideways, out of control screaming, 'Whoa...What a ride!'"
Because life is, in the beginning, middle, and end, about living.
Just for fun...with a little twist ;) When I was a kid, maybe 11 or 12, I was depressed. I was just down. I didn't like the color green because it was everywhere, it was cheery, it symbolized life. Then, in high school, I started to change (maybe it was the swimmer's hair) and my favorite color's been green ever since. Oddly enough, it's because it, to me, is the color of LIFE (and limes...mmmmm). So, I have a new friend to take on my runs with me. Plus, I've reverted back to my Mizunos instead of Nike shoes because I think that's why my legs are so sore now, and part of why I had so much pain (and a much slower time) than my first marathon. So, let's keep shuffling along, shall we?
Well, it was bound to happen eventually, I had to talk about work. I really like my job. I mean, who wouldn't enjoy being a doctor. Now, I do have to admit I'm not so keen on resident hours, but in all reality, I need the training. I probably need more training than we can pack into three years, but I'm still marvelling at the beauty of the light at the end of the tunnel. I just got my Texas license number. It is a notoriously difficult process, and I am happy to have completed it with nine months to spare, lol. Maybe the procrastinator in me is slowly phasing itself out...one can hope.
I ran with Greg's Forerunner 305 today to see how accurate my Nike + ipod is. Well, bad news? It's not. Worse news? My pace is slower than I thought! It's slower than my first marathon!!! Jeez, I think it's the thrust-to-weight ratio. My muscles must not be strong enough to haul around my dead weight with any kind of speed. When I checked 2 months ago, my body fat percentage was high, around 28%. That seems to be my norm. My weight hasn't changed since then, unfortunately, and I'm too heavy for my 5 foot 4 inch frame. So, I have begun to track my food, to see what I'm actually fueling with. It's making me a little diet-y, like "oh crap, I'm already over where I want to be, so what the heck." That can get dangerous for me, so I'm writing about it and talking it over with people I can trust. I want to be lean, for the first time in my life.
"Some days just suck, there's nothing you can do about it". -Aaron Osborne Well, I think that just sums it up right there. I had no "flow" at work, felt like a fish out of water. I try to do a good thing or two. Nope. Backfires. Want to do some great things, like really big things. Nope. Eh. Whatever.
Today was 11 miles. The longest long run in this training cycle. I wish, oh do I wish, I wouldn't let myself get out of shape between marathons. Good thing I have a PLAN this time...Disney, Gasparilla, Florida 70.3, Cozumel (assuming they don't sell out before I can scrape up the cash to enter!). So, there it is...in black and white.
Read it and weep. Oh, right, that's me. But I'll be weeping at that finish line!!!